Since the kids are sleeping in our room, on the floor on mattresses (since we did our big move back to this house AND started bleeding/bedrest right after and had had little time to really unpack/set up things after that) I get to spend every waking and sleeping moment with them. Last night, as I headed to bed, I turned on the light (we have some SOUND sleepers in this house) and I just was mesmorized watching them sleep. I couldn't stop staring at them- all cuddled up, sleeping soundly, thumbs in mouths, kikis and mermaids and stuffed elephants clutched in arms, making soft little whispery breaths as they soundly slept. My heart could have just burst at that moment. I helped create these 5 sweet little people. And to think of one last little person cuddled up with them soon enough.
My children have been my biggest and most meaningful accomplishment in my life. I graduated with a degree in english/early education, with a concentration in special education, a semester early WHILE working full time hours. And yet that accomplishment has meant a meager NOTHING to me since I have become a mother. I always wanted to be a mom, but I never quite understood how much it could and would change me. I can't get enough of them...every morning, every afternoon, every night...its just not enough. Their sweet little faces, their little voices, the funny things they do, the funny things they say, the pride them give me, ad the sweetest moments they bring to my life day after day. My kids fight and argue and complain like the best of them as well, don't get me wrong. But one sweet moment has the power to erase 15 less desireable moments. Just like a kiss and a hug from Mommy can suddenly make the world right again to them.
Every morning, I wake up thrilled for the chance of new joys and experiences we can share together. This morning, I woke up to one kid crawling into my bed...followed quickly by another...and another...and another...and then one more. They all just laid/sat there with me, heads snuggled into me, kisses and hugs and smiles and I love you's shared by all, little hands rubbing Ansen and telling me how excited they are to meet him in 5 days....and it just further magnified the joy in my heart. As physically uncomfortable as it might be, being huge and pregnant, stuffed into a queen sized bed with my slumbering husband and 5 not so small children, I could have enjoyed this morning forever. Except my bladder had different plans. Darn you bladder.
Now we are off to a nearby track. I am going to waddle over to the grass and sit and watch my kids ride their bikes around and around and around, hearing their screams of excitement and joy as they race each other and enjoy the moment. And I am going to watch Doug ride his bike and trailer around with them, with two very gleeful 2 year olds, who think the bike trailer is the most amazingly fun ride EVER. Even though I can't join IN on the fun, I am surrounded by the fun and joy of the moment...and just that is pure joy in itself for me. We will follow this by a barbecue with my family later today (kids playing with sprinkler and bikes and little cars, while it will be a lot of me sitting and making plans with my brother and one day to be sister in law who are watching kids the first 4 days of my hospitalization). All in all, my sweet morning will be a sweet family day alltogether-a sweet start to a beautiful day and beautiful weekend. I plan to do little this weekend, but just wholeheartedly enjoy my sweet, beautiful, God granted familiy/children...and the sweetness of life itself.