I am nervous...AGAIN. And I am kind of in awe that my uterus that was mia all the sudden popped out of me now and is a good 6 inches above belly button at 22 weeks. Hopefully thats normal/??? I remember growing this quickly with TWINS...not a singleton. But I am 99.9% sure there is just one baby in there. So why would I grow so quickly/so fast???
I am hoping that my placenta is still behaving itself in there. That is what makes me most nervous about this ultrasound. I am so afraid to hear the words "your placenta now looks abnormal/like a plecenta acreta/increta/percreta. *sigh* I hate that I have been holding my breath this whole pregnancy, and that I am STILL holding my breath now. I will be holding my breath until this baby is safely in my arms. And I am out of revovery, safe and sound myself. Its all very stressful.
Today I went to a funeral. And it was terribly sad and depressing and hard to be a part of. And the husband of MANY years sat next to his wife's casket the entire service. And there came a time to pray and I prayed that God would keep me safe during this pregnancy and delivery. Same old prayer, but I prayed harder then ever, bc I saw how this husband was hurting to be separated from his life partner. That is the scariest thought that has entered my mind this entire pregnancy...the thought that my placenta could start to do something that actually endangers my life. The thought of me being separated from my husband that I adore so much and my kids that are the world to me. I guess if I was smart and used my actual brains, I would have stopped at 5 and made sure I NEVER had to worry about another risk again, no matter how big or small. But instead, I had faith and I followed my heart, and brought this last little soul tugging at my heart into this world; I know in my heart he is worth it, but I just hope and pray that God's future plans include me and my health.
Please, please, PLEASE let my placenta be shown to be growing normally on Wednesday...if there IS any sign of abnormal attachment to my scars, please let it stay within my uterus, so that I can worry about getting over a hysteroctomy instead of worrying about a life threatening situation. This journey has been so hard, from beginning to present....lately, its been especially tough on my spirit. I know that it will all be TOTALLY worth it. I know this baby boy was MEANT to be...and his specialness will shine out of him and into our lives each and every day . I only hope and pray that God thinks the same of me and my worth.....
*edited to add* When I worry the most, the baby always moves the most. Its kind of crazy. Ever since I posted this, Ansen has been moving around like crazy. The most he has moved yet. Its like he is reassuring me that everything will be fine. I am so grateful for this baby boy of mine!!!