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Saturday, March 27, 2010

We are definately in a tricky place now....

So first of all, the bleeding has stopped as of early this morning, so that is a huge blessing.  Perinatologist said it could start again anytime...usually there is no warning, but everyone is more optimistic now.  Yesterday that we learned that I have definite placenta increta (placenta grew abornally through my uterus), and what they are pretty convinced is placenta percreta.  My ultrasound of my bladder showed a wavy area of bladder which does not look normal, which is the area that they think has been affected by my placenta.  Thankfully, it appears to be a small area of bladder so far.  This makes my surgery about as tricky as a surgery can get.  I have to be put to sleep, which is absolutely terrifying to me.  I am so afraid of not waking up again.  I have to have a classical incision, so they can get into everything in there.  I have to have a gynecological oncologist and urologist there to repair my bladder, bc whatever has placenta attached to it will have to be removed.  I will have to have a catheter for weeks afterwards (which at this point is little worry to me compared to the not waking up fear of mine).  NICU will have to be there, perinatologists there.  Its going to be a circus. 

They do no want to deliver Ansen now for many reasons...obviously, a lot of being he is only 26 weeks and 1 day today. We have had two steroid shots, which should help him dramatically if he needed to be delivered soon. NICU came and told me at 26 weeks, he has an 89% survival rate....which is reassuring, but he could have many problems after birth, including brain bleeds and severe respiratory distress. Makes me feel guilty bc he is moving all around, content and oblivious that he might be thrusted into this world way too early. Another big reason they don't want to deliver me yet (ESPECIALLY not in an emergency situation), is bc they need that specific team of people there at my delivery. The maternal/fetal doctor drew a line on my stomach with arrows as to where to cut, in case he is NOT at hospital and emergency arises ...but it would make for the best case scenario for them and me if they could have this on a scheduled basis.

  Of course, they don't want to schedule at 26 weeks either.  So right now, its a wait and see how much time we can buy Ansen while keeping me safe kind of thing.  Right now, goal is to try to get Ansen to 28 weeks, and then go from there. 

I am scared at times.  Okay, actually terrified whenever I think about it.  For both of us.  They told me I need to designate a health care proxy and gave me the paperwork.  I just was not mentally prepared of any of this right now.  I figured I had months until I REALLY had to worry about all these scary things and now its all rushing at me.   Yesterday morning at 4 am, when I had my biggest bleed, everything was happening so fast.  People were in giving me another IV, having me sign consents, anesthesiologist was looking at back of my mouth and explaining general was just terrifying.  And I was hopeful that I wouldn't have to deal with the worst case scenario....and of course, that is just what is happening.   Yesterday I was wheeled by the nursery on this floor as I was going to MRI, and I saw those perfect little babies in the nursery and I just feel sad that its going to be precarious for both Ansen and I.   Still hoping really hard that there will be a happy ending for both Ansen and i at the end of this journey.  Hoping and praying for that.  Hoping God has big, bright plans for both of our futures.  I am very appreciative of all the prayers and offers for help we have gotten since this whole thing started days ago.  Thank you.  Thank you.  THANK YOU! 

Will update more whenever I have more to share.  For now, I wait.  Happy 26 weeks and 1 day to you, Ansen!

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