Well I had hoped the worst had passed for this pregnancy and by some miracle it would be smooth sailing, but its not. And just last week, I had a dream with a much loved Gram of ours (that passed) and I asked her how the delivery would go, and she said it would be really difficult, but she would be there for me. I woke up kinda upset, thinking "didn't I already go through the difficult part?" Apparently not and apparently my dream was for real. :(
Today at my almost 23 week ultrasound, baby measured great at 1 lb, 6 oz. But the bottom part of my placenta (the complete placenta part) now has no margin between where placenta ends and uterus begins. It looks like one big placenta extending to bladder. This is NOT good at all. Combined with the fact that I have placental lakes in that area, I am pretty much now guaranteed a placenta acreta. Placenta acreta is when the placenta abnormally imbeds into the uterus...and there is usually no separating the two once that happens. Hysteroctomy is pretty much guaranteed and huge risk of hemmorhaging. I was going to donate blood for myself but peri said not to bother now...I would only be able to donate 1 to 2 units and would probably need like 9. I feel sick. That is not my biggest worry though. Now I have another 13 weeks or so to wait and watch to see if my placenta grows THROUGH my uterus and into my bladder, which would be even more dangerous...bc you can't just take out your bladder like you can your uterus. :( I was so hopeful that maybe I could avoid this and instead my worst fears/dreams are coming true.
I went into my peri appt after ultrasound crying and terrified. One of the first things I thought was how maybe I made a mistake not immediately terminating pregnancy like that first doctor had told me I had to do. And then I felt guilty for even thinking that, bc I am 110% against termination. What can I say though, I am human and I am scared. I know my baby boy is meant to be in this world and in our family...he has fought so hard to be here. I love him so much. I also love my other kids and my husband so much, and I want to be there for them after this. But its just that this pregnancy has been such a huge nightmare, from start to present. Why can't I catch a break for a minute here?? My perinatoglost tried to reassure me as best as he could, saying he expected the worst case scenario and that its best to know now and be prepared and that they would have a great surgeon there working alongside with him. I am going to have an MRI at 30 something weeks to see if placenta has grown out of uterus. I know I am in great hands, and I have great faith in God, but sometimes I fear that God is working so hard to get Ansen here, that he might forget about me. :( I don't want to say that I wish I never was pregnant with Ansen though, bc I believe with all my heart he was MEANT to be here. But I do hate being in this situation and wish it could have been different...maybe just a little *lot* easier.
Here are a few pics from my ultrasound today btw. At least he is not showing any ill effects from all he has been through...