I truly am thankful that God has lead me to this perinatologist. You can read back posts on my blog, but I wanted to go to the smaller hospital I delivered the rest of my kids at. And for some reason, when I had the bleeding initially at 5 weeks, I felt I needed to see a doctor out of this bigger hospital. I didn't want to and I hated it, but I felt a NEED within me. And I went with that feeling, as much as I didn't want to. And I ended up with that horribly heartless doctor, that made me feel awful. And again, I almost switched back to my hospital of choice. My favorite hospital, the one that we still drive by and I smile at, missing the inside of those doors and the memories of the rooms within. But for some reason, as much as I wanted to give a pracice out of my favorite hospital a call, I never could actually call. I looked up the number and I had it on me....but I just felt like I had to wait this out. And I didn't understand it at all, bc this doctor I had ultimately chosen didn't reassure me nor give me any warm fuzzy feelings. It didn't seem logical, everyone told me to RUN from this doctor, yet I felt I had to wait.
And one appointment later, I got completely transferred to maternal/fetal medicine. I didn't want to be there at all and I felt really broken at the thought of having ALL my care transferred to them. Was I THAT high risk?? I went into my first appointment with my new perinatologist, and I was majorly freaking out. My blood pressure was through the roof. And then I sat in the conference room and waited. And freaked out more. Wondering why I was here in the first place. And then I met Dr. M. (this is good Dr. M, not the evil, eager to terminate, not so good Dr. M).
Dr. M reassured me right from the start. He brought a sense of calmness and knowledge into the room. And he didn't make me feel like he was judging me in any way. He talked to me, answered all my questions, and reassured me. He was just so nice and so understanding of my fears. My next appointment, I didn't see Dr. M, instead I saw his nurse practioner, I will call her Nurse K, who was also amazing. She was very personable, wanted to know everything about me, and really made me feel important. At this last appointment, I originally was scheduled to see Nurse K again. And when she walked in, I just started crying....and she hugged me, handed me a box of tissues, and told me to just give it a good cry before I talked. And so, I blubbered out what the ultrasound had found, and she tried to reassure me that THIS is why I was here, getting the best care around. And talking with her did make me feel a little better. But I still had questions and was just plain scared. And then she went out and called Dr. M (who was doing rounds in the hospital above us) and asked if he would come talk to me as well, to reassure me. I think this just speaks loads about the practice I am in. She could have just scoffed at my worries, or sent me off on my way, but she went above and beyond. And Dr. M came down to talk to me, which I truly appreciate. I can imagine he was probably pretty busy doing his rounds to come down a few floors to talk to me, but he did. And once he walked in, he told me (in the calm, reassuring manner he has) that he had expected the worst case scenario and wasn't surprised and that I would have the best care. He reiterated that it was better to know now and be able to make plans now, have the best surgeons on duty at the time, etc. And even when he mentioned the scary things (like needing tons of blood at delivery), he helped clear up my tears enough so that I could tell him the story of how the last time I needed some blood, I craved Italian food for weeks (which made him laugh). I left knowing more then I did going into the appointment, and feeling very reassured by the care I was getting (although not too thrilled with my new diagnosis of course).
I am trying my hardest to stay confident that God is taking care of me and Ansen and there will be a happy ending. I am certain God put it on my heart that I needed to be at this hospital this time, and He helped me choose a doctor, knowing that I would be referred to Dr. M and Nurse K. He knew I NEEDED Dr. M and Nurse K and their support to get through the worst of this (which I am sure still is yet to come). I already feel that their "care" goes above and beyond the normal care they are required to give in their jobs. I appreciate it and I need it right now.
I am so incredibly grateful that even when I feel alone in all this, I can find instances where God is still showing me He is still quietly but surely leading the way. And that gives me some hope. I like to think that that God wouldn't be working so hard at getting me to the right people if I wasn't meant to live through this tale.