and feeling quite a bit more reassured. Neither story was easy at all, but both mamas are ALIVE, on the mend, and have two healthy babies to show for their stories. And it just reassures me that hopefully, I too, can be a success story. That our story can be a success story. Going through something like this really puts life in perspective. Life is so short and so precious. All lives. My life. Ansen's life. Everyone's life.
I was reading an article in a homeschooling magazine I got the other day. Do you ever feel like things fall in your lap for a reason? When I had bleeding at the beginning of pregnancy and I was told to terminate/that I was miscarrying, the sermon for the week was about not trusting the "experts" in life as much as you were to put all your trust in the one and only true expert of life, God. It gave me hope when I felt little. Throughout this pregnancy, little inspirational messages have found their way to me in one way or another, and usually JUST at the time that I needed them most. The homeschooling magazine was a freebie to try out, that I signed up for MONTHS ago. I had totallly forgotten about it, it was so long ago. And then it showed up, and I finally got around to picking it up and looking through it. And one of the first pages I read was titled "Easy Streets and Long Roads". It was about characters in the Bible that were pushed to extreme journeys of faith, and how their path was certainly not easy, but was rewarding at the end. One excerpt that really spoke to me (and I quote, from Home Educating Family, 2010 issue 1).
"It was in the toughest acts of faith that these men and women came closest to God and found life's deepest meaning. It was not the provision of comfort of happiness that led them to a deeper knowledge of God-it was often the lack of it. Is it possible that a life where everything stays calm and unchallenged isn't what we really need? Does peace mean as much if we never experience calamity? Do our hearts ring with gratitude if we are never in want? Does happiness bring as bright a smile if we never taste sadness?
This last 7 months, my life has been turned upside down. Every day, I am reminded of my own mortality in everything I do, in everything I say. It effects every minute of my day. I question whether I chose the "right" path for me, although I am sure I chose the right path for Ansen. What can I say...I am scared and I have NEVER had to deal with anything like this in my whole life. Its scary throwing myself at the mercy of my doctors and most importantly God, and hoping that there is a happy ending to this story. But I can tell you that I am fully appreciating/savoring EVERY precious moment that I get to spend with Doug and my kids, with my family and friends, crafting and enjoying those simple little pleasures of life that I was too busy for many times before. I spent so many years too busy with my life, and now I am seeing the beauty of the simplest of moments. Every minute of our lives is a gift.