27.5 week dr appointment

All in all, I left feeling reassured that if I have to have the worst case scenario going for me, its good to know that I have a team of great doctors collaborating my care.  My MRI did not definitively show percreta, but my ultrasound was VERY indicative of percreta so they will move on as if this is definately percreta (placenta invading my bladder).  I have already met one of the specialists that will be there for sure and has dealt with percretas before.  If it is percreta, I will lose part of my bladder (they will NOT try to separate placenta from bladder-huge chance of hemmorhaging doing so) and will need a catheter for weeks, while my repaired bladder heals.  Before the surgery (like hours before), they are considering sending me for a uterine artery procedure, where they will thread balloons into the main arteries of my uterus (going in through my groin).  That way, if I start having some major hemmorhaging in surgery, they can blow up those balloons and cut off much off the blood supply to my uterus.  Its all kind of really scary stuff to hear, BUT its reassuring to hear how they are all thinking and talking and planning about how to deal with the worst case aspects of this scenario.  I just can't wait til this whole nightmare is over!

At my ultrasound, Ansen was practice breathing....which was very reassuring to see.  He LOVES to have his feet up near his head....its the position he is in every time we see him on ultrasound.  He was measuring 65% percentile at ~2 lbs, 9 oz....which is excellent, especially considering part of my placenta is over cervix and scars, which are areas of very poor/no blood supply.  Its amazing that everything can be going so wrong with my placenta/uterus, yet Ansen is growing so perfectly...so right.  I can't lose my hope when I am reminded of little miracles like this every day. 

They said they would LIKE to get to 36 weeks for my c-section, but of course, that depends on what transpires these next bunch of weeks.  Right now, I am celebrating one day at a time.  I can't imagine making it to beginning of June at this time, but anything is possible, right??  I am thrilled to be nearing 28 weeks for now...each extra day is a gift to Ansen, and another day for my doctors to make plans for me.

As for bedrest and Doug going back to work, quite frankly...it sucks.  I am bored, the kids are bored....they are jumping off the wall, running around like crazies most of the day.  And I feel bad, bc they are used to our schedule of get up and go all the time, as am I.  Doug is gone for about 30-32 hours at a time, twice a week and then another 14 hour day.  It makes me nervous being by myself, especially if something was to happen, but I have to give it a try at least.  Especially if we end up with 8 more weeks of this.  I have my mother in law and my dad checking in on me on the days that Doug is gone....but its just much more reassuring to have my other half here.  We have had quite a few meals dropped off, which I am VERY appreciative of, and some friends gave us gift cards to the supermarket, which will be SOOOO helpful as well.  We are so thankful of all the great, supportive friends and family in our life.

I am not going to lie though...it was much easier to do bedrest when I came back from hospital and Doug was still home for those 5 days after.  Right now though, we just need Doug to work, so that we can save our money up in case I do end back in the hospital.  If I am back in the hospital, Doug won't be able to work.  No one can stay here 5 nights a week to watch kids with Doug's crazy schedule.  This is the time when I wish he could have a normal, go to work in the morning, come back in the evening kind of job.  But he doesn't. 

And so, I am sitting here, with the kids running around like crazy around me.  We had cheese and crackers for breakfast.  Will throw in a meal from freezer for dinner.  My house is getting more trashed by the second.  But I am home, with 5 of the most amazing little people ever (even if they are 5 of the CRAZIEST, most amazing little ever).  And Ansen is still growing within me, which is a blessing.  And my mother in law is in her way to keep me company right now.  Bedrest with 5 little kids and a husband that works 75 hours a week may be trickier to figure out, but its not impossible.   May not be the easiest...but very little of this journey HAS been easy. 

When I was in the hospital, my pastor stopped by to visit and brought me a little book that was called Looking up...While Lying Down.  There is one poem in there that I have really enjoy reading again and again. 

What God Has Promised

God has not promised skies always blue,
Flower-strewn pathways, all our lives through.
God has not promised sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

But God has promised strength for the day,
Rest for the laborer, light on the way;
Grace for the trials, help from above,
Unfailing sympathy, undying love.