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Monday, April 26, 2010

back and forth, back and forth....

Keep going back and forth about when would be the best time to go check into the hospital.  Of course, I would feel the safest at the hospital right now, but I have 5 kids that are the joy of my life, and I want to be around them as much as I can.  I also want Doug to work as much as he can, so that we can be better prepared money wise for when we  has to be out of work.  So its just really hard.  I agreed with doctors to be hospitalized at 32 weeks....but sometimes I think maybe next Monday instead (31.5 weeks).  I want to be there with my kids, but I also want to be there FOR my kids all these years later.  At the hospital, if things go bad quickly, they could be prepping me or transfusing me within minutes.  That is very reassuring to me. 

All four maternal/fetal doctors are having a big meeting about my case on Wednesday and they will figure out their "plan" for me.  Although planning for something like this can sometimes be like planning for the unplannable, I will still feel reassured by it.  Today at appt, we talked about delivering at 34 weeks instead of 36 weeks...and everyone seems in agreeance right now about it. I know I feel MUCH more comfortable about it myself.  We'll see what they ultimately decide on....hopefully Wednesday afternoon.

All I know is that for now, I am just trying to go with my gut.  And praying about it.  And asking Doug to pray about it as well.  I am hoping that one of us gains the wisdom we need to make the right decisions when the time is right.  I know when I am checked into the hospital for good, I will breathe one tiny sigh of relief.  But I will also miss my five favorite little people so much.  And like right now, all I can think about is just getting in ONE more day to enjoy them at home with me...around me.  And each subsequent night, I want to just sneak in one more day...its a hard cycle to break!   Here's hoping that we can find the peace and wisdom our hearts are searching for as delivery gets closer and closer.

And if anyone else has any wisdom to share, please do so!!  I, without a doubt, think that God has a way to talk to us through others as well...for sure! 

1 comment:

  1. All I can say is trust your instinct, don't second guess it!! That's what I did with Logan. I knew something was up so I went to the hospital. I went into full placenta abruption, luckily I was already at the hospital.

    I will continue to pray that everything goes as smoothly as it can go. (((HUGS)))