just have this feeling...

that I will be back in the hospital sooner rather then later.  And if I do back in, I won't fight to get out again.  I have been reading up on an acreta/increta/percreta board, and a lot of these women had major hemmorhaging all the sudden, necesitating immediate delivery.  Delivery averages for this kind of conditions are about 32 weeks btw.  Their doctors had put them in the hospital as a precaution beforehand, so they were right there when everything went awry. They are all telling me I really should be in the hospital, just in case.   Now I am kinda feeling stupid for begging so hard to get out of the hospital.  *sigh*  Thats not the only thing concerning me though.

I won't get into the nasty specifics, but the dr said as long as I don't have anything red coming out of me, I am good for now.  Well I am having more and more stuff daily making its way out and although it may not be red, its VERY concerning to me by the sheer amount of it and of course, me wondering what it is??  They said it would be some old blood, well this seems like more then just a little bit of old blood.  I have NEVER had anything that looked like this before in my life.  None of this is making me feel any good about what is going on with my placenta and uterus.  I have called up once about it and they said as long as its brown, its fine.  I am thinking if I have another large amount of it today, I will call them again though. I feel like a ticking time bomb.

With Doug being gone for 16 hours on his short day today (and 30 on his two long days) and with me being alone with the kids most of the time (family is coming at meals to make them/help with that), I am actually now terrified of a bleed coming on suddenly, especially at night....what would I do??  Obvioiusly, I would call my parents/mother in law, and hope they get here speedy enough. It makes me sick thinking about it.  I have all those little people dependent on me, and I am trying to do my best to keep up with them, while on bedrest (which is just about the impossible task)....and I have no control over any of this.  It just feels like a recipe for disaster at times.

I have been hoping and praying that if God needs me in the hospital now or anytime soon, He will show me in a way that is a non major emergency kind of way. Tomorrow I am going to give maternal/fetal office a call and see when my next appointment is...I have an ultrasound on Wednesday, but have yet to hear about my next appointment.  Maybe I can get seen though, so I can specifically address all this stuff (that has of course showed up after my latest appointment).