and another week closer to some healthy lungs for Ansen. Thinking of Kylie's dream she had the other day (about Ansen at ~1 year old, Kylie said she was making him laugh in his stroller and then I was there, helping him walk around) and I am just feeling more optimistic about the whole thing today. I need to have faith that God hasn't left me to deal with this alone. I have some amazing doctors that have dealt with this all before and I have amazing family and friends that have been SUCH a huge help, blessing, and support to us at the time, and I have wonderful kids who think I am the greatest mom for giving them one last little brother. They are so excited about Ansen.
Caden keeps saying "now I will have my own baby" with a big smile. He says that because when the twins were born, the girls each took on one of them as their "baby". Kylie took on Rylan and Elise took on Gavin. Back then they would want to hold them and change their diapers and now they hold their hands in public and such. Caden is beyond thrilled that Ansen is HIS baby....as scary as this is, when I see him beam with pride about "his baby", I am glad that we are evening out the teams with a 6th. My three boys were sitting in a row, in their matching jammies, watching tv and I could just picture one more little boy in there, and two VERY protective big sisters watching out for them all. I can't wait til this is ALL a distant memory and I can fully enjoy and live life with this beautiful family we have been blessed with. We just need to make it through this horrible delivery.....
Here's hoping we have a few more weeks til we even have to consider delivery though. Things seem to be pretty quiet right now....when I try to move around too much, I get some warnings that I shouldn't, so I have been pretty good with the bedrest lately. Its BORING though, but its only for a short period of time. I am just glad to be surrounded by my babies. Even when they drive me crazy, they are the bright light on a dark day.
I have been on very, very limited bed rest. As in I could still move around some, it was more "modified bed rest". In fact, I hesitate to even call it bed rest, compared to what you are on ...
ReplyDeleteBut the days were very long, so I can imagine similar in your case.... It is so good to hear today has started off on a better note, when each day has to feel about a week long! So, I don't know, it just really fills me with joy that it's a better day.
I don't want to be this terribly upbeat, annoying friend. ;) It is very hard for me NOT to try to encourage ... especially online, it's sort of my "web personality", I think - I come across more optimistic than I am in real life.
And I think I sound like I trust God more than I do. It's a struggle ... truly. I think you are incredible. I know I can't see more than a fraction of your life, but I am just watching and reading and going ... could I ever be so strong? Maybe none of us can be, but by God's help!
I'm rambling. I just like to leave you comments to read. :) I wonder how coherent I am today? LOL
~Ashley~
Thank you Ashley-I really appreciate your comments. On MOMYS, someone was asking about going forth with having high risk pregnancies and I told my story, ultimately giving my opininon that I had no advice to give. I wouldn't wish this kind of situation on anyone. Ansen is a miracle...and I love his little life so much, and this situation has most definately lead me to have some of the STRONGEST faith I have had my whole life, which is ultimately a blessing. I think about what Jesus went through, and I now cry thinking about Him knowing He HAD to die for the good of all othes...bc I am here with just the chance of dying to bring something small yet good into the world, yet it torments/terrifies me daily. Every day, I know I have to keep going to give Ansen a better chance at life, but honestly, every day I want this pregnancy just to be over. I don't want to give my placenta time to further invade my bladder and such-making it that much worse. I need to be reminded daily to keep my faith strong, bc sometimes my "human-ness" gets in the way. So thank you again for your comments Ashley. I defniately need all the encouragement/thoughts/prayers I can get!
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