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Friday, June 18, 2010

Told to bring in a carseat....

Doug tells me not to get too excited, but I am assuming that means he *might* be coming home REALLY maybe tomorrow??   He has no PICC line anymore (IV), he has no canula, and all he has to do is take 52 cc's of breastmilk every 3 hours by mouth to get home.   Last night he took all the bottles he was supposed to.  I was really bummed last night bc when I went back to the NICU last night, they told me not to hold him anymore, bc he hadn't done well with his 6 pm bottle...and it was all bc I held him too much that day.  I was about to burst into tears.  How can you hold a baby too much??  I hate that the NICU "owns" my baby right now and can tell me this kind of stuff.  I want to tell them "do you know what I had to go through to get this baby here into this world-I earned my rights to hold him too much".  But of course, I just sat there steaming instead and the second he woke up, I scoopped him up.  I ended up staying for 9 pm bottle, which he took ALL of again for me.  I hate leaving him all by himself there at night.  Hoping really hard that this carseat test goes well and that we can bring him home tomorrow, so I can hold him way too much at home each and every day, and NOT get spoken too for it anymore.  And so I can start attemping to breastfeed.  I loathe pumping.  The NICU is very pro pumping and very anti-bf'ing it seems, bc every time I have asked if I can try bf'ing, I have gotten some excuse after another.  I give up up now.  I am just going to do their bottle thing and GET HIM OUT!!!  And then I will finally attempt bf'ing.  Hoping really hard he can transition easily to it...we'll see. 

Still having my wound care twice a day.  It is still draining like crazy, but half of it has closed up and nurse says it looks great.  Tonight, Doug is my wound nurse.  Lucky him.  The stuff they don't tell you about in those vows I guess.  I just can't til ALL this is past...til my baby is home, my incision is healed, and we can move on from this and into a new exciting chapter of our lives. 

1 comment:

  1. Although I'm not certain, from putting together clues from your blog I suspect Ansen is in the same NICU my son was in 10 years ago. Yup, very pro-pumping and anti-breastfeeding, even then. Sorry you're having a bad experience and hoping things will improve when you get home!