Not coming home for at least another 3 days now :(

Ansen had a poor night-desatted down to 84 with oxygen, and is back on canula and now on 3 day regmine of lasix.  To say I am bummed is an understatement.  I just want my baby home, but I understand if he still needs to be there, there is nothing I can do.  It still majorly sucks though.  I was sure I would have issues with this delivery, but I never thought in a million years that my baby would have to be put through all this.  He was one day shy of 36 weeks, with 2 doses of steroids.  He just got two neighbors (twins) born at 31 weeks, doing a heck of a lot better then him.  My mommy guilt is running REALLY high right now...just feeling awful that my poor baby has had to go through all this.  It feels like our life will never return to normal.  Every day, I have to leave the rest of my kids and Doug all day, so I can spend the day with Ansen, who is all by himself there.  Part of the reason I probably still have this wound that I have to have a visiting nurse come take care of every day is bc I have never gotten a chance to rest after this surgery-I have been running around since the day after surgery, up and pumping around the clock when I am supposed to be home and resting.  Trying to remain positive this last 16 days, but its getting really, really, REALLY hard at times.  Especially today.