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Sunday, June 20, 2010

The baby that doesn't follow the norm....

Just about everyone that has come to talk to me about Ansen in NICU has told me that Ansen does NOT follow the normal pattern of anything.  He is a mystery to them, why his lungs were so bad (36 week babies usually don't need to be intubated for a week, followed by cpap for 3 days and the canula on/off for a week). His lungs came out worse then a 30 week old.  I don't know why, but I am thankful he is recovering from this.  I don't know if it was bc of my crappy placenta or what?  I don't like to hear how baffled everyone is about him.....but regardless, he IS a  miracle.  That he is even here after all this, that we are both here....well i am truly grateful.  I am also impatient to get him home at times, but I know he is where he needs to be, and just that I get to spend my days with him makes my heart sing. 

I FINALLY got to attempt nursing with him the other day.  I was scared out of my mind that he would give a feeble attempt, and that would be it.  Nursing has been very important to me and I didn't know if I would get to even attempt it, bc of plans to keep placenta in.  I was elated to have my uterus out and be able to nurse still-and finally have some normalcy, but its been nothing normal at all, pumping round the clock for the last 2.5 weeks. 

So on Friday, Ansen and I took the plunge....and all I can say is that nursing is his superpower!  I have nursed him 6 times in the last 2 days and after those feedings, he has pooped and peed up a storm.  He knows exactly what he is doing, and knew right from the start.  The nurses have acted very surprised that he is switching back and forth from bottle to nursing so easily.   I guess that is another non normal for him-and one I am glad for!!!!  Its very nice for me to head to the NICU all day and still have something normal to look forward to.  And when I am nursing him, no one can tell me that I am holding him too much!

Today has to be a short day visiting Ansen, bc Doug heads back to work tonight. :(  I am sad about that.  I will only get to be with him from 11ish-to 3.  4 hours may sound like a lot of time, but it only feels like seconds when I am with my baby.  I have been averaging about 8 hours a day with Ansen.  But we have to do what we have to do.  Doug needs to start making money again-since we have no paychecks coming in (and haven't had any for a few weeks) and we are working through our savings now. 

Doug just found out from NICU that Ansen had another episode last night of de-satting for 15 minutes.  This time he didn't need oxygen to finally get out of it (as opposed to the night before, where they gave him 30 minutes and then had no choice but to give him canula), but it still took him some time.  I don't know why he is having such a hard time with this??  What is wrong with my baby???  And will he ever get to come home?  :(


  1. Just stay strong during the journey and I am sure you are not alone! Will pray he is home vary soon in your arms with you and your family!

  2. (((((Melissa)))) I'm so glad you have been able to nurse him, that is wonderful. You are doing an awesome job. Ansen's doing so much better! I know you are worried, but remember in NICU it is 2 steps forward, 1 step back, sometimes 2 steps forward 2 steps back, unfortunately. But you are already many steps ahead, so soon, and he will be able to come home! Then you can hold and cuddle and nurse and hold, and look at him all you want!! I pray that day is RIGHT around the corner! Phoey on "normal" the only thing that's normal is the setting on the washer ;-)

  3. Huge hugs to you Melissa! As raisingdaisies said, Phoey to normal.
    Ansen has proven from day one he is strong and meant to be. Draw on that strength as each day goes by and you are closer to bringing him home.
    That is brilliant news about feeding him. That is a massive help to him getting stronger everyday, with mummas milk and the warmth of your skin on his skin.
    Thinking of you both everyday!