I have been kinda bummed by Ansen's lack of progress. He went from vent to canula and was doing so well, and then he was suddenly doing horrible and has been on 2 days of cpap. I can't hold him on cpap and it just feels like things are going SOOOOO slow here. They call Ansen the "touch and go baby" at the NICU. And as much as i try not to let myself take the blame for the stuff he is going through, I sitll do have some mommy guilt. I wish I could have given him an easier start somehow. But every day, I remember to thank God things did work out the way they did and we are both relatively healthy. SO MUCH could have gone wrong, the fact that my delivery went so well is a miracle in itself....and then that Ansen is here and getting healthier by the day. In a few more weeks, this will all be a distant memory and I WILL make up for the lack of baby holding I have gotten so far-I can guarantee I will never want to put him down ever.
As for me, I am healing still. I am just taking motrin now and my incision looks pretty good in most spots. There is one troublesome spot near my belly button that I have had to keep an eye on...right now, all we can do is keep it clean and dry and hope that it starts to look like the rest of my incision sooner rather then later. Hysterectomy wise, I just think about how weird it is that its gone....like the fact I will never have a period again...thats just really weird to think about at the age of 30. But I feel so lucky that I was able to have all the children we were meant to have....I am very content with the six beautiful children God granted us with for sure!
Hopefully I will have some more exciting updates sooner rather then later. I can't wait til we can have some normal baby moments...holding and nursing and just plain being able to pick up my baby when he is crying. Hopefully not too much longer...maybe another week (although less would be awesome). Thanks everyone for all your thoughts and prayers throughout this journey....we still feel like we have worked a miracle here!