the never ending nightmare

To think that I "thought" that I was healing so fabulously from my cesarean

hysterectomy. I had that teeny tiny open part of incision (was 2 inches, but

nurse coming to pack it twice a day had gotten it to 1 inch) but she was still

concerned by the great quanitiy of wound fluid pouring out (so much so that she

didn't want it to close anymore once it got to 1 inch and she was packing it to

stay open). I went to my maternal/fetal dr a few times about it and he thought

it looked great. Even the nurse said that the would fluid was the good color

and such.


So on Monday visiting nurse showed up like always, she was in a cheerful mood,

and she took off my bandages and unpacked wound. All the sudden, in a quiet,

very serious voice, she told my husband "give me the phone". It was a little

bit worrisome for sure. She got right on the phone with my dr and told them

that I needed to be seen immediately, right this second. When she got off the

phone, she showed me the bright yellow fluid pouring out, and the fact that it

had now doubled its depth overnight, as well as the smell....it smellled

absolutely HORRIBLE! This was all an overnight change. She told me they might

try to talk me out of it, but I NEEDED a CAT scan....today.


So I went into appt, feeling sick. And my dr agreed that it smelled very

infected...and he took a swab to test for bacteria. He admitted me immediately,

but said that it might just be something that woudl pass with IV antibiotics. I

mentioned that nurse said I needed a CAT scan, but he said he wanted to wait and

see what gyn-oncologist said about it. She didn't end up coming in til much

later in the day, and she was talking it up, until she opened up bandage and

then she got all serious and was like "this might be very serious, you need to

get into a STAT Cat scan". So I had to wait til they had an opening and they

had me drink 3 of these contrast drinks. At least a CAT scan is much quicker

then an MRI.


Gyn-oncologist was reassured that this infection hadn't gone beyond the faschia

(internal girdle that kept organs like intestines in), but that there was

definately some fluid build up showing in the CAT scan, about 8 inches long. I

was told that I would need surgery that next morning. By this time, the stuff

coming out of me was now green and the most foul smelling stuff I had ever

smelled...it smelled like something died inside me and I couldn't get away from

that smell. They started me on IV antibiotics that night, bc I started to get a

fever and cultures came back growing all kinds of different bacterias.


I went into the surgery terrified the next morning. And when I woke up, I had some kind of bad

reaction to the pain meds they had given me. They had tried to give me a

morphine pump, but they found out later it was broken and just pumping extra

morphine into me. I was doing all kinds of psychotic things, having trouble

breathing, eyes rolling behind my head while awake, throwing up. Thankfully

someone FINALLY figured it out and turned off the damn pump, and I woke up at

about 3 am this morning, feeling "myself" again. Still had no idea what had

happened, but I was afraid to look. This nice nurse came in and helped me pump,

and gave me some toast (which I then threw up). She explained a little about the

wound and such, but later on that morning, the gyn-oncologist came in and told

me about what they had found. She had actually never seen anything like this

happen. My top layer had healed so beautifully, but EVERYTHING underneath had

been dying for weeks now. EVERYTHING, under my entire 14 incision had to be

removed....and then much more around the area, and some skin tissue as well. My

belly button is gone. It was part of the necrotic tissue. I am now back to

being cut end to end, but they have the two ends cinched together (making like a

"hole" in the middle", with a big sponge attached to a womb vac in the middle.

I talked to the wound specialist today and they are going to go back in Friday,

put me under, take out this wound vac and make sure no new bacteria/infection

occurred, if everything still looks good, they are going to change to new sponge

for wound vac, I will go back under Monday for them to do the same...and then I

will have a visiting nurse coming to change this sponge 3 times a week for a few

weeks, followed by another surgery where they try to ultimtely put everything

back together again.


This is a NIGHTMARE. I have a big gaping hole in my abdomen and I am stuck in

this hospital God knows how long. I

am just sick of it, I feel like I already put in my time to recover and here I

am, with something even worse now. The gyn-oncologist and maternal fetal dr

worked out a deal with the maternity floor to let me stay here with Ansen and my

husband, just bc they both felt so bad that Ansen had just gotten out of NICU

himself. Taking care of him in here is about the only bright spot of this right

now. But I keep trying to remain optimistic....keep trying to reind myself that

it could have all gone MUCH worse. What if I hadn't had that little tiny open

part of my incision and my awesome visiting nurse bc of it. I probably wouldn't

have known about this until I had gone septic. That is so scary. :( I need to

stay optimistic and thankful that as bad as things may seem, they could have

gone much worse. I am very lucky to have quick acting drs and nurses

surrounding me, as well as a wound center and specialist now working on my case.


So thats about it for now. Definately missing my other kids, not enjoying this type of recovery at all, and

just want to be normal again one day....