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Friday, July 16, 2010

I can't do this anymore!!!

Brown coffee colored sludge is coming out of wound vac AGAIN and its starting to really smell AGAIN (like a bad baby diaper).  The only thing that I don't have going yet is a fever.  I can't keep doing these debridment surgeries over and over again.  All they do is find more dead tissue...and yet no one is concerned why things keep dying in there.  I won't let them remove anything else until we figure this out.  This is absolutely ridiculous now.  4 surgeries AFTER my cesarean hysterectomy, and I am not even close to road to recovery yet.  I am starting to lose faith in the doctors caring for me.  We keep going through the same cycle and no one sees any problem at all with this, except me (and Doug...and mil, and some friends, etc).  But my wound care dr still seems to think everything is going peachy.  I haven't had any abx for weeks (except for a dose of IV vanco during last debridment surgery).  I think there is something BAD in there, still killing tissue....and I am frustruated that my doctor thinks continuously dying tissue is fine.  Thats what it smells like again here right now.  I will put money on the guess that there is more dead tissue in there again.  After they JUST scraped everything dead out last Friday....for the fourth time. Our wound care nurse is coming in 30 minutes and she always tells it as it is, and I KNOW she is not going to be happy by this at all.  I don't know what to do anymore.  We are trying to get a 2nd opinion at a Bostom hospital (Brigham and Women's and Mass General-both top hospitals in country).  B&W said they could see us on Tuesday.  MG said to expect weeks til we can get an appt.  I want to go to appt on Tuesday, but I probably won't make it til then before I will "need" another debridment surgery.  What do I do?  I am scared I am ultimately going to die from this if we don't get a handle on it.  I have months of recovery still left AFTER we get this whole dying tissue thing ever figured out.  I am overwhelmed and discouaraged and having a really hard time with it all lately.  This last few days.  I am sick of being in pain, I am sick of having more and more of my stomach removed week after week, I am sick of having all this crap attached to my stomach 24/7, I am sick of sleeping on couch, I am sick of needing help to get up, I am sick of seeing the low grade fevers, brown drainage, smelling those bad smells.   I am sick of going into the hospital/having surgery and then finding out a week later that none of it has done any good at all.  God, I need you now, more then ever.  I need you to lead me in the right direction, to the right doctors, to the right treatments, so that I can finally start recovering from this nightmare.  Please God, be with me and help me.


  1. I am praying for you Melissa.


  2. I'm so sorry you have to go through all this! I think it's a good idea to get another opinion in Boston. We're so lucky to have those hospitals so close...people come from all over the world to be seen there.

    Hoping for an end to this nightmare soon!

  3. Oh Melissa ((((Hugs))), this is all crazy insane :( My heart goes out to you!

  4. Melissa, it's Kimberly from the Nov07 DDC... I couldn't read this and not post. I can't imagine the fear and frustration you are going through... sending you lots of love. I hope you can get that second opinion.

    BIG HUGS!!!