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Sunday, October 31, 2010

Feeling better (both physically and spiritually)

Physically, I am not still healed and not sure when I will heal, since nurse found that there is actually still this mystery tunneling that hasn't changed (she thought it had filled in, but found it again last time she was here).  But I feel great.  I don't have pain anymore, I have been able to be without the binder all the time now (which used to be incredibly painful).  If I walk around a lot, the top part of it will get a little sore...but its nothing crazy.  I can again take a shower without taping up my stomach with saran wrap and painters tape...thats a huge blessing.  Besides having the nurse come every 4 days or so and needing to wear a bandage over the open part, its not hindering me at all.  I feel so lucky.

On a more important level, spiritually I have been feeling down about how one side of our family has basically dumped us for having Ansen.  It's hard to understand, how and why this could happen.   How my sweet baby boy that we all fought so hard for, that fought so hard himself, could be a catalyst for such bitterness and negativity to others.  And as positively as I try to live, this has really taken a toll on me at times.  But after talking to some other likeminded Christian moms, they have encouraged me and brought me back to the right path.  First, I will appreciate that we don't have to be surrounded by that negativitiy, that we don't have to allow our kids around that negativity.  I need to stop feeling bad that we are excluded from all familiy events, bc even if we did go, it would be a negative environment for us all.  God isn't surprised by any of this...he is very well orchestrating the gift of distance to protect our hearts.  We have so many blessings in our life, and I need to concentrate on those blessings and continue to let our family shine and be a light of love and purpose .  I am not going to let poison that has unfortunately entered our family enter into our own lives anymore.  And most importantly, as hard as it is, I will pray for them.  Pray that one day they will find their way back on the right path, that they will see Ansen as the blessing that we see every single day.  Thank you God.  Thank you for the amazing people we ARE surrounded by, both family and friends.  Thank you for my sweet, caring husband.  And thank you for this.
There is my heart, laid out in 6 different forms in this picture.  Thank you for each and every one of them.  Thank you for the joy and laughter they bring to our lives, and the life lessons they inspire each and every day.  Thank you

1 comment:

  1. So sorry to hear about the family who have chosen to do that.
    It is very sad.

    I do agree with you though about not wanting yourselves and the children near their negativity.

    I am pleased to hear how well you are feeling, and hope the last bit of healing happens soon.