Just not liking the direction this is going at all....

My body is pouring out this yellow wound fluid out of that small hole in incision.  In wound fluid world, yellow is NOT good.  Its supposed to be pinkish, and was up to yesterday. This is JUST LIKE the start of this whole nightmare.  Exactly the same. And only a couple weeks after this started last time, I had the CT scan that showed the huge abscess that had formed under my skin.  I think this whole disaster is starting all over again, but just a different part of my stomach.  My nurse comes in 45 minutes to reassess (ON HER DAY OFF might I add).  She is very concerned.  And she called my dr and he is like "oh thats allright, its to be expected".  NO, it was not to be expected.  When he told me I needed this surgery, he told me I had a 1-3% infection risk, and that he would put the skin together, I would get sutures out in 10-14 days...and that would be that.  He sold me this surgery as the final end.  And inside me screamed not to go forward with it...I thought it was so weird that I was SOOO uneasy about this surgery...but I ignored it bc it was "supposed" to be the end all surgery.  I can't imagine if they end up doing another CT scan, find another abscess, have to debride a new part of my stomach and I start this recovery nightmare ALL OVER AGAIN.  It took me 2.5 months to get to the point where I was just about healed.  I can't do another 2.5 months of new open wounds and pain and all that garbage that comes with it.  I dread having my nurse come today.  She said if things seemed any worse, she would have to send me to the hospital.  She is not happy with my dr at all right now.  She was apologizing to me on the phone, telling me she hoped I knew she was trying as hard as she could.  She is my only real advocate it seems, and her pleas are falling to deaf ears.  It just sucks all around. :( 

Life is moving all around me.  Kids are running around house and playing like usual.  Dressed in their soccer gear.  Ansen still eats every 2 hours.  Doug needed just a little more sleep.  And here I am, deep in my thoughts and worry.  If this goes in the direction it seems to be heading, I will be the one that has to suffer yet  more, all the while needing to juggle another wound/discomfort/pain with carrying on with life.  I have a husband that can't take any more time off of work this year.  I have 6 kids that count on me, as their stay at home parent.  Its this whirlwind around me.  Please God, don't let this happen again.  PLEASE!!!