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Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Totally NOT a patient person....

Now that the wound bed is close to having filled itself in (a two plus month process), I am increasingly impatient for it to just finish its healing.  Seems to have MAJORLY slowed down now.  I am starting to contemplate getting a protein supplement, bc I don't know if I am taking in enough for me with this growing, eating all the time baby of mine (who weighs in at over 13 lbs now-go Ansen).  Once the wound bed is completely filled in, then it will be a normal injury like if you cut open your won't need to be packed, and the skin will be able to find its way back together.  My visiting nurse said its going to be a THICK scar the way its healing.  I felt it for the first time  (the top healed part) and I gotta admit its kinda creepy.  First of all, its completely numb....absolutely no feeling whatsoever.  Have had numb areas before, can't feel the whole bottom of my stomach bc of number of c-section.  But then its all hard doesn't feel human at all, much more like something synthetic.  The scar tissue is very dense and fibrous from all the cutting and healing, cutting and healing it had to do, over and over again.  This thing is at least 14 cm long, its just going to be freaky having this hard, numb feeling for the majority of my belly for the rest of my life (especially when one is used to a nice soft, squishy belly haha).  But what can I complain about, right?  I am here, alive, for my babies and Doug, and Ansen is here with us as well. 

Thankfully this body isn't forever....although I would like to keep it for another 50 years if possible.  My belly might be creepy and not something I ever want to touch or look at again, but I have 6 good reasons that will help keep my mind off my bellybutton-less stomach.  6 good reasons why it was all worth it.  I would do it all again, for any of my children.  We live in a world where its ingrained that you should put yourself and your appearance first and foremost.  And although, I want to be healthy obviously, I have given up on having a pretty fact, I have given up on having a stomach that looks even half normal.  My stomach will look downright WEIRD for the rest of my life.   If I cared so much, I could have tons of surgeries, and get back a dream stomach.  But none of that matters.  I am alive and here for my children still, and God didn't give me this opportunity to rebeautify this body of mine!  All in all, I am hoping that my ugly stomach can help others see beauty and hope of God's work in our lives.  It's been an amazing journey for my heart and soul, that's for sure!

1 comment:

  1. (((hugs))) I'm so glad you are healing well, even if it's more slowly now :-)