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Tuesday, September 21, 2010

To my maternal fetal specialist

Dear Dr. Healey; 

Well here is a letter a long time coming.  I have thought about exactly what I would want to say to you after all was said and done many, many times before.  How grateful I would be.   But I don't even think a simple thank you can express what I feel.  Last November, my new ob/gyn looked at my 6 week ultrasound and said "you have no other choice but to terminate this pregnancy".  She assured me I could have another one, that this one was simply "a bad one".   I was horrified.  And I didn't agree right away to her insistance that I terminate, nor did I go about picking a method of termination that she then began to describe.  And maybe bc of my look of horror, she did finally give your office a call to be sent in for a stat ultrasound at your office.  As I left her office, numb and in shock-all I could do was to call out to God to please give me some glimmer of hope at this appointment.  For God to give me ANYTHING but this.  It didn't have to be much, but I couldn't face being told again that I had to end my baby's life. 

I went in, had my ultrasound, and then a maternal/fetal doctor came in to talk to me.  He told me that he didn't suspect that baby had implanted INTO c-section scar like other ob/gyn had diagnosed.  But that he was very sorry, it looked like I was almost guaranteed a miscarriage, that sac was detaching and dropping-immenent miscarriage signs.  It still didn't look good, but it wasn't the worst that it had been only hours before.  This doctor spoke with a kindness and offered a sincere condolence.  And he told me to make an appointment a week after to see what had resulted.   This doctor was you.  I don't know if you remember this, but it stands out to me, bc it was the moment that my baby was given the tiniest glimmer of hope.  I would leave the hospital with a baby that was still alive.  Although it surely appeared fleeting, it meant that he could live, even if was only just a little while longer.  I didn't have to make a choice to end one of God's creations, something I didn't think I would ever truly forgive myself for, medical or not.  You gave my baby time.  And that time resulted in one heck of a journey and one heck of a fighter of a baby.  He IS here today bc of you and that day. 

The journey getting him here sucked majorly, I won't lie.  Having to put your life on the line to bring one of your children into the world is not something I would wish on anyone.  But when I found out you would be taking on the surgery, I felt great peace.  You saved my child once and I knew you were meant to be the one that would bring him into this world-to officially introduce him to his well earned life.  I couldn't think of anyone better to do that job.  I am sure my case brought you many headaches, but I can't thank you enough for taking me on and setting up an amazing team of doctors for my very risky surgery-and of course for the life that my son now has bc of it. 

My son now has an entire lifetime in front of him, bc of you.  He will touch many people, friend many people, inspire many people, he will very likely marry and have his own children that will do the same.  A whole life path that was at many times threatened for various reasons.   A different day, a different doctor, and he might not be here today.  He will know his story.  I will forever appreciate his story.  Thank you for making a difference in our family's lives.  I don't think even a million thank yous would ever be sufficient to express our gratitude.  Thank you, Dr. Healey.  Ansen Gabriel thanks you as well.      

Sincerely, Melissa N and family

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for always sharing your heart with us so honestly. It means more than you know.