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Monday, September 27, 2010

In mostly better spirits...

Headed off to Church yesterday for my first real Church service since March, when the bleeding and bedrest occured.  The pastor mentioned Doug, Ansen and I in the joys and pointed over to us, which was a *tad* bit embarassing of course.  I totally appreciated the sermon (which was actually very fitting bc it was something I had been talking to Doug about this last week -why many not so good people in the world are rewarded with good, rich in every way, easy, lives while there are those of us that are bombarded with all these trying/daunting issues over and over again).  Weird how that happens how the sermon can just speak to you and answer you in that way!  The music was great like always, and then I had my chance to pray silently and I simply asked God to please help me view/experience whatever journeys I have left in a positive way.  I don't want to feel so bitter and pissy about the way things have gone on.  And I think it worked.  I came in to church in a foul mood and left with much more hope and positiveness.  I can't dwell on the decisions I wish I had made last, last Friday, but just have to take on any new challenges that we may or may not now face.  I have to remember the big picture of it all.  The one God can see and I can't, although I am ALWAYS hoping for just the tiniest peek.  Ansen and I are both alive, here together, surrounded by our family and friends.  I can't have things always go my way..and I need to understand that and just appreciate that more has gone positively then negatively.

As I was sitting there in Church, I realized that God most certainly sent my visiting nurse Heather to take care of me through all this.  She is mostly a pediatric visiting nurse, but does *some* postpartum stuff.  And thankfully she took on my case, and has been through thick and thin with me. She is the one that has done all the hard work-the one that fights every day to continue to keep me infection free and get me healed up.  She has 4 closely spaced kids herself, 8 and under...and she completely understands what this wound has put me through.  I am just so thankful to have her right now.  This last week, she has working hard on this new wound inside, trying her best to keep it clean and healthy, hoping really hard that I can heal before any infection can set in.  And sometimes I feel bad that she doesn't get to spend tons of time with her kids because of her work schedule-that people like me keep her from extra time with her family; but she is most certainly been doing God's work, helping me and others in the way she does.  She has certainly been an angel to me, especially at the lowest of times, always working towards the positive.  Thank you God for always caring for me; even at times when I have felt so alone, I realize that You have others around me to carry on Your work and Your love. 

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