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Friday, January 1, 2010

WELCOME 2010!!!!!!

I am so excited to be DONE with 2009!  2009 was a year of great sadness for us. 

There was the craziness of fixing up and then showing a house with 5 kids (some of the most stressful 5 months of my life) which ultimately was a big flopping failure.  Since we had bought the house at the market's peak (at the tip top of our budget since at the time, it was the cheapest thing available with 3 bedrooms), even asking 30,000 below what we paid AFTER redoing the whole kitchen in the month of January (just to sell it) could not work miracles.  We had many, HARD choices to make about that. 

And then losing our great health insurance as of January 1, 2009 was a HUGE blow to us financially as well.  My heart sunk when Doug told me his thriving company (delivers all Mcdonalds products) had decided to cut costs on health insurance (i.e. put more money into THEIR pockets) by eliminating our health insurance and only offering catastrophic health coverage.   And as luck would have it, Rylan's asthma problems went pretty much out of control once we had this horrible insurance, and the other 4 kids had their sickest year yet at all.  And the bills kept ROLLING started to feel like we were drowning in health bills...since we had absolutely no coverage until we paid the first 2300 dollars (no prescription coverage, no nothing).  Rylan was hospitalized twice for his asthma, we tried applying for supplemental insurance and got strung along the WHOLE year, and it just felt like we could not catch a break. 

Then in the late spring/early summer, one of my best friends found out she was pregnant.... I was so excited for her bc I know how much she wanted a third child, and she was so excited as well.  But then everyone else, including her husband,  reacted so negatively about the pregnancy that she ultimately terminated it at about the 6 week mark.  I fought SOOOOO hard for that baby and its future, and for her happiness in the future, but in the end I could do nothing to stop any of it from happening.  I have never felt so helpless in my life-watching her just extinguish her little one's future before it even had a chance to start.  And since it went against EVERYTHING I believe in regards to the miracle/gift of life, I had a really hard time just accepting it and moving on.  I still think of that baby, who would have been born in the next 2 weeks. 

With a summer filled with all that sadness over her lost baby, the fall brought us news of this miracle baby of ours.  We were so excited!  To finally have some happiness to celebrate after a year of sadness.  But the joy only lasted about 1.5 weeks.   Then I was told I would have to terminate my own baby...terminate my baby at the 6 week mark, just as my friend had done to her baby.  I felt like i was being punished...was it bc I didn't fight hard enough for my friend's baby.  WHY?  But then we got the tiniest glimmer of hope that maybe I wouldn't need to terminate.  But that baby was almost definately miscarrying bc of size of hemmorhage around her/him.  I have been holding my breath about this pregnancy since then.  Surrounded by fear...fear for this baby and fear for my own health.

And as 2009 ended, I wished I could have seen it out properly.  I wish I hadn't fallen asleep at 8:45 pm on the couch (what can I say..this baby is STILL stealing all my energy-so much for that 2nd trimester burst of energy!)  I wish, instead, that I was there at 11:59 pm to firmly boot 2009 OUT of the door and out of my life forever.  Goodbye 2009!  Farewell 2009!  Hope to never see or think of you again!

2010 will be a year of change for us....and a year of peace and contentmess for us.  We will celebrate finally completing our family (which we will safely accomplish bc of the team of great doctors I have finally been referred to).  We have finally gotten accepted for supplemental health insurance, so other then prescriptions, we won't be saddled with these massive bills like we did all of 2009.  Doug will take the fire exam FINALLY (been waiting 2 years for it to come around), and will switch jobs to a city job (GREAT health insurance), with better hours-so that he can finally attend paramedic school.  We will finally pay off a couple decent sized bills (like our car bill and a school loan)-with tax returns and some pension money that Doug can cash in once he switches jobs.  And then we can finally rework our budget, work on living a more simple AND meaningful life (one of my biggest goals for our family), while immensely enjoying the blessings/gift of our life and family.  Yes, I am feeling pretty good about this year. 2010 is going to be our year to shine!!!  WELCOME 2010!!!!!!

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