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Wednesday, January 13, 2010

lots to update

First of all, I am using my NEW laptop, which was a Christmas present from my dear hubby!  I used to have to sit in an extra playroom in the back of the house that we try not to it was CRAZY cold and once a day I would wrap myself up with blankets, snuggies, slippers, scarfs and go on the computer (haha what can I say, I am cheap and I don't want to heat up a room for just one hour of computer a day).  I certainly didn't feel like doing much typing in those kinds of conditions (the coldest it got in there was in the 30's!!!)  So now I am sitting in my nice toasty living room toasty meaning 63 degrees and writing my update on this fine piece of technology!!

I had my first appointment with maternal/fetal specialist on January 6th.  I was SOOOOOOOOOO nervous!!!  When I first got seen, my blood pressure was 153/91.  I told them it was never that high and I could feel my heart racing with anxiety.  So I went in for a conference with this new perinatologist and a student doctor.  He was just SOOOOOOO calming and optimistic and I could see him at my c-section, being really caring while giving me excellent care!  So he went over my history and asked me my concerns and he just reassured me that he thought my pregnancy would go very much like my last (with me  making it through it just fine).  He then asked me if I wanted to see the baby, which of course, I did!!!  So he got me into an empty ultrasound room and they checked out baby and my placenta.  I now have a complete placenta previa.  I figured there was only a matter of time before that would happen.  And tech peeked around and said it looked like YET ANOTHER boy!!! I was in shock, bc I was absolutely sure this baby was a girl!  Even before I conceieved baby, I felt one last girl would join our family.  The perinatologist said that everything looked pretty good and that he didn't have to see me for another 4 weeks for my next appt and my "big ultrasound".  Oh, and I had to go retake my blood pressure bc of how high it then, it had gone down to 130/82....which I told him was still a bit high for me.  Peri said he would keep an eye on my blood pressure.

So I messaged/texted everyone and I wasn't too sad about having my 4th boy at the time, bc I was just so excited by the positive appointment in general.  But then the next day, it just hit me that there would be no baby Aubry, and I had quite a few really sad/mad days.  I hate feeling that way, but it just felt like I lost "her" forever and I mourned it.  HARD.  And now I would have to get rid of my girl's clothes forever...and would never use them that one last time.  And I couldn't use the name I have been calling baby, even before they came about.  *sigh*  When I mentioned it on the boards, I was given the tiniest bit of hope that gender ultrasounds at 14.5 weeks still aren't the best and there is still that teeny tiny chance it could still be a girl....but it seems very doubtful looking at this.

Friday (one of my sad days) I ate two sandwiches with deli meat and then remembered WHY we shouldn't eat deli meats after.   I started freaking out about listeriosis.  Didn't help that 2/3 days later, I got really nauseous with intermittent stomach pains that made me freak out even more that I had somehow contracted this very rare but dangerous food poisoning.  I wanted to call up the maternal/fetal specialist about it, but about 24 hours later, I was feeling MUCH better.  And since the stomach bug is going around and around, I figured I was just letting this pregnancy anxiety get the best of me.  Not that I am still not worrying about that, bc I AM!!  And every time I feel the baby kick again, I feel very reassured.  Waiting to feel one of those kicks right now.  Lesson learned.  Boy or girl, I love this baby so much already and all that truly matters is that I can get this miracle baby safely into the world to spend a lifetime of love with me and our family!  Now I just hope that I can stop worrying about everything so much.  We had such a rocky start this pregnancy that I have really had a hard time enjoying a minute of this pregnancy without something on my mind to worry about.  And worrying about it not being a girl is just a waste of my time now.  This baby has made it through many challenges so far, and I know he is meant to join our family like the rest were... 

So that is my "short" update.  We have a LOT of work to do in regards to names.  My naming rules deserve a whole separate post!  And for now, I am going to TRY to enjoy pregnancy and baby moving around....bc I know I am going to miss it all over again  once its over (and it always ends too quickly in the grand scheme of life).

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