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Thursday, November 12, 2009

One more day of waiting...

this excruciating wait.  Inside me, I have this sense of calm that baby is allright..actually moreso that this baby is one heck of a fighter.  I also innately don't feel like the baby is IN my scar. 

But then I start to second guess myself.  Maybe my feelings are off.  I have NEVER been one to correctly guess whether my babies were boys or girls (and for the record, I think this is my last girl).  Maybe I am just hoping too hard for the best outcome and trying to convince myself that that is the case?  Maybe the baby is gone-miscarried like they told me would very likely happen.  Maybe the baby is buried deeply into my scar.  Maybe my scar is already compromised-splitting open as it gives way to growing baby.  SO many deep, dark thoughts in my head at times, swirling all around.    

I am hoping for some more answers tomorrow.  Hoping REALLY hard for some more positive answers.  And going to bring my own list of questions.  But that is not til tomorrow and I still have all of today to hope and pray and worry about it.  Hope and pray and worry about my baby AND my health.  *Sigh* 

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