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Wednesday, August 11, 2010

still nursing.....

Its been hard, we have had many obstacles (23 days of NICU and 3 subsequent hospitalizations for me after the fact being the main ones) and I have stayed strong with it, despite many times I felt that quitting would be the much easier option for me.  I have been told that healing might be slowed down by nursing and that I should really consider quitting just for that fact as well.   I have wanted to quit more times then I can count.  It's not easy pumping for a NICU baby for weeks.  It's not easy feeding a baby while suffering an immensely painful wound and every position feels like torture...when pain at wound is so intense, you can do little but grip the handle of the bed/arm of couch and hope some pain will subside SOON (all while nursing a hungry little person that doesn't understand the pain his mama is in.  It's not easy nursing a baby when you can't move easily and are on what feels like too much for too long percocet and ibuprofen daily.  Its not easy nursing a baby when you start wondering IF your wound is hindering healing/IF it could be a possibility that not enough milk is being produced bc of wound.  Its not easy nursing a baby on demand 24/7, with 5 other children 7 and under at home.  None of it has been easy, I have had so many doubts. 
And then I see this pic I took today.  And my doubts are erased.  My worries are eased.  My wound IS healing.  AND my baby is chunking up-LOOK at those kissable, chunky thighs of his!!!  My sweet baby boy is sleeping about 6 hours in a row at night.  Its been so hard, and now I am getting to the rewarding part.  I wanted to quit so many times, but then I reminded myself that this is it since you can't have surprise babies after hysterectomies.  There would be no more babies to nurse.  No more opportunities to get this chance back.  I felt like everything was going wrong, against being able to nurse, but still I kept on going, pumping when I couldn't feed my baby in the NICU, pumping when I couldn't be with my baby, having someone bring my baby to the hospital so I could nurse,  pumping and dumping after 5 extra surgeries and antibiotics they weren't initially sure were safe, etc.  Its been a long, hard road....gosh, this WHOLE pregnancy/deliver has been.  But put another tally mark on our side.  And another battle won!!


  1. Nursing isn't easy WITHOUT all of those circumstances, so I really admire you! Glad you are getting to enjoy your beautiful baby.

  2. Jessica from nov 07 ddcAugust 11, 2010 at 8:26 PM

    Those are the best baby-thigh-rolls EVER! You have and continue to do an amazing job growing that beautiful baby boy of yours. He is just gorgeous!

  3. You are an amazing Mumma! What determination and strength you truly do have to get through to where you are now.
    I have kept you so close to my thoughts, sending you strength to be able to keep Nourishing your babe as I know you wanted.
    And yes, just look at his chubbalicious thighs!
    Gorgeous :)