still nursing.....

Its been hard, we have had many obstacles (23 days of NICU and 3 subsequent hospitalizations for me after the fact being the main ones) and I have stayed strong with it, despite many times I felt that quitting would be the much easier option for me.  I have been told that healing might be slowed down by nursing and that I should really consider quitting just for that fact as well.   I have wanted to quit more times then I can count.  It's not easy pumping for a NICU baby for weeks.  It's not easy feeding a baby while suffering an immensely painful wound and every position feels like torture...when pain at wound is so intense, you can do little but grip the handle of the bed/arm of couch and hope some pain will subside SOON (all while nursing a hungry little person that doesn't understand the pain his mama is in.  It's not easy nursing a baby when you can't move easily and are on what feels like too much for too long percocet and ibuprofen daily.  Its not easy nursing a baby when you start wondering IF your wound is hindering healing/IF it could be a possibility that not enough milk is being produced bc of wound.  Its not easy nursing a baby on demand 24/7, with 5 other children 7 and under at home.  None of it has been easy, I have had so many doubts. 

And then I see this pic I took today.  And my doubts are erased.  My worries are eased.  My wound IS healing.  AND my baby is chunking up-LOOK at those kissable, chunky thighs of his!!!  My sweet baby boy is sleeping about 6 hours in a row at night.  Its been so hard, and now I am getting to the rewarding part.  I wanted to quit so many times, but then I reminded myself that this is it since you can't have surprise babies after hysterectomies.  There would be no more babies to nurse.  No more opportunities to get this chance back.  I felt like everything was going wrong, against being able to nurse, but still I kept on going, pumping when I couldn't feed my baby in the NICU, pumping when I couldn't be with my baby, having someone bring my baby to the hospital so I could nurse,  pumping and dumping after 5 extra surgeries and antibiotics they weren't initially sure were safe, etc.  Its been a long, hard road....gosh, this WHOLE pregnancy/deliver has been.  But put another tally mark on our side.  And another battle won!!